I have been away from the blog for the past year or so for no particular reason. Although a lot has been going on in my life, including a cross country move to my native Massachusetts, sending a child off to college, leaving a job I loved, interviewing for many jobs I almost got, finally getting a job I love and a mild canine injury, I still could have blogged. Like the many photos of my first child, my thoughts remained unorganized in a box.
Now it is time to share what I have learned from all of these experiences:
Friends are important
It was hard for me to leave my friends in Houston. Friends are especially great because they voluntarily hang out with you. It’s not a school or work obligation. It is not a family obligation that involves eye-rolling. It is a choice that another person or persons make to spend time with you. That is very affirming.
The other side of that coin, is that when you move, you have no friends. I am blessed to have close family to spend time with. I get that having three kids at home plus working full time does not leave a whole lot of socializing hours. But still, you need your friends. It feels creepy to approach other adults and try and get them to be my friends. Like a Halloween costume I once wore in college, it makes me feel like a Hare Krishna. If someone came up to me and said “Hello fellow adult with like demographics. Would you like to spend time with me to see if we are compatible as friends? Would you like to see if our spouses can tolerate each other? Perhaps the big leap to see if our kids get along. Oh, and can we do this from 8:00-10:00 pm on a Saturday?” I would take out a restraining order. Yet there does not seem to be a good way to easily make friends.
I have considered joining various groups and will still try this route. But it is a long and arduous process. It is also a big leap from sitting next to someone at a lecture or cooking class to setting up an actual time to socialize. I don’t want to assume the other person likes me enough to invade their calendar. And yet, if I say nothing, I get nothing.
The next lesson I learned is…. Oh wait. I forgot what it is. That’s what happens when I get excited about a train of thought. The other train leaves the station.
The other things I bring from Houston are the memory of the three friends I lost there. Robin and Josh are always in my thoughts. I don’t mean to sound mushy, it is that they are literally always in my thoughts. It is not always a good thing. But I try to remind myself that my job is to be grateful and appreciative of all the things I get to experience. And if that means that I cry like a baby at the fifth grade winter concert, so be it. I think about how Robin and Josh can’t be at their children’s concerts anymore and I am wistful and grateful at the same time.
Yes, I did write three. I also lost a friend, Shari, who was a mom of another girl in my youngest daughter’s class. She was taking a morning walk when she was hit by a car which had lost control and came up onto the sidewalk. The look of loss in her husband and daughters eyes still haunts me.
Over the last year, I had some unpleasant experiences with another mother in that same class. I need a new box of wine before I start to blog about that, but I promise it’s coming. Since I’m no longer in Houston, I do not have to worry about the repercussions of being completely honest. Watch out!
Thank you for taking the time to read this. I appreciate having an audience for my insane rantings.