Finding Diana

Hello,

After being away from the blog for many months, I am returning in full force.  Why have I returned?  I have had several requests and I also need an outlet to vent my pent up rage.  Sounds like a fun ride. Here goes....

Here is the rant of of the over-stressed mother (what I would actually say to my kids if I could afford to pay for the therapy needed to process this):

WHAT THE HELL IS THE MATTER WITH YOU?

Why on earth do you think that just because you were born, that gives you a never ending entrance ticket to the unlimited buffet you call the kitchen?  I'm so sick of constantly standing in the kitchen taking orders for an endless varity of foods.  Or worse, the child who will only tell me what she doesn't like.  Tuna?  Sure, I will take out the food processor, assemble the ingredients, put it in a sandwich and before I can rinse out the bowl hear "what else do you have?  I'm starving?".

Sure, I can make a grilled cheese, after painstakingly reassembling the last broken piece of bread because Gd forbid one of my children should have to eat mangled bread, only to hear "I never said I wanted grilled cheese, you know I meant a hamburger when I said that". 

At the very same moment comes the "I can't eat that" child.  Can't eat half the foods in creation due to extensive orthodontia.  Can't eat foods that have a crust.  Or contain brown.  Or have cheeses other than cheddar. Or are past their expiration date, which everyone knows is a corporate ruse to try and get me to throw out marginally good food.  Can't eat anything that may look spicy. Nothing with too much green.  Unless it is broccoli.  But wait, she will only eat broccoli with a specific chicken dish I make.

Then is the super skinny teenager who will only eat foods she deems "not gross".  That is limited to about four items, one of which is sushi.  Why don't I just make sushi.  Sure there are a lot of large white women rolling up their sushi mats to try and please their teenager.  Surely that would cost a fortune in ingredients I would never ever use again and equipment that would require extensive washing.  Of course it would come out "gross", and why was I too cheap to just take them all out to dinner every single night.