Finding Diana

An everyday woman's guide to figuring out what the hell happened to her life



Welcome to my world.  I am trying to figure out what became of me and I want to share this agonizing journey with the general public.

Please feel free to comment, but not to judge.  Ok, well we will all be judging, but just don't let me know about it.

High Anxiety

I have discovered something about myself.  Whenever I have something big to worry about, such as a big problem with the kids, a large financial issue or a job change, I do what is most counter productive - I focus on any type of minutia that I can think of.  All of it unrelated to the problem at hand.  

If I have a big tax payment due, it is obviously the best time to obsess over which drive through pharmacy to go to.  Worried about a learning disability or allergy?  Try spending several hours thinking of ways to get more vegetables in everyone's diet.  Don't even get me started on the merits of Tylenol vs. Advil.

I cannot help it.  I have fear of dealing with big issues because I am afraid I will make the wrong decision and really screw things up.  So instead I worry about things where the ultimate decision isn't that important.  Why should I worry now about whether to take the local streets or the highway to work on Monday?  How come I am wondering if I will remember to buy that graduation card I need?

When I made the move to Houston, there were some big decisions that I hadn't put enough thought into that have come to bite me in the ass.  Now I know I can't think of the repercussions of all of my actions - Gd knows I wouldn't want to face all those- but it has put me in a situation where I cannot bear to face huge decisions.  On the other hand, I certainly don't want other people moving forward and making large decisions without my input.  So that puts me in a conundrum.

Usually I assume that enough alcohol and really bad tv (can't wait for teen mom 3 to start) will give me the perspective to solve all of my problems. Surprisingly, it doesn't work.  Instead I worry about the teen mom's problems and yell at her to forget about her loser boyfriend.  

When I realize that I can't obsess over small things anymore I start to daydream.  I'm sure that if Tina Fey only got to know me, she would put me on her show.  I have hatched a plan for us to somehow get acquainted and form a close friendship.  We are so much alike, I'm sure she would love me.

I also fantasize that Donald Trump will come into contact with me and be so impressed that he offers me a million dollar a year job.  Or to pay off my mortgage.  Or to put me on apprentice.  Or to let me babysit Ivanka's child.

Finally, I fantasize about going on HGTV and getting a fabulous home makeover.  After all aren't I more deserving that that family with the blind children?

See, even in my blog, I digress.  So while I should be worrying about some major stuff going on, instead I will worry about which desperate housewife will survive her difficult children and whether Brie will ever loosen up.

1 comment | Add a New Comment
1. Doll | November 20, 2011 at 03:46 AM EST

I was looking everywhere and this popped up like nhoting!

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